This morning about 4:00,  I awoke to find Muffin was taking her piece out of the middle of the bed and hubby was laying corner to corner and sleeping loudly while I did my best to not fall off of what was left between hubby and the few inches I had left. So for the two hours between the time I awoke in this predicament and the alarm went off, I mentally landscaped the new flower bed about a dozen different ways. 

My plan is to have nothing but foliage plants and things with white blossoms inside the fenced part of the yard. (I read somewhere that white makes you feel cooler when you are hot.) Anyway, as I was doing this mental landscaping, I got to thinking about how many different kinds of flowers actually have white blooms and how even among only all white flowers, there are so many different shapes and sizes I couldn't begin to use them all. 

And it was then that the Holy Spirit reminded me how creation proves how much God loves diversity. Think about it... God created every snowflake unique... every human being has different fingerprints and DNA.  And then I was reminded how different His ways are than mine. God loves all kinds of people, while we tend to only love those who look and act most like us. Then I got to thinking about church and worship, and much like the parables in the Bible, God taught me a lesson using something from my everyday life He knew I would understand ~ gardening. It goes something like this:

Just as God finds pleasure in all kinds of plant life; not just the flowers with white blossoms I have chosen to  plant in my garden, He finds pleasure in all styles of worship. I tend to think my way is best! I prefer stringed instruments, harmonious songs with a beat I can clap or tap my foot to, conversational prayers, and practical teaching. But what if there is no certain method that most pleases God? What if my chosen style of worship says more about my personality and preferences than biblical doctrine?

What if Father God finds equal pleasure in  both worshipful silence and shouts.... primitive chants and elaborate harmonious melodies.... liturgy and conversational prayers.... bowed heads and dancing....vocal and instrumental songs of praise?  What if He planned diversity of worship, just like he planned the multitude of different kinds of white flowers, knowing that we would all be drawn to a kind that best touches our hearts and helps us to communicate with Him?

Psalm 150

 ¹ Praise the LORD. 
       Praise God in His sanctuary;
       praise Him in His mighty heavens.

 ² Praise Him for His acts of power;
       praise Him for His surpassing greatness.

 ³ Praise Him with the sounding of the trumpet,
       praise Him with the harp and lyre,

 ⁴ praise Him with tambourine and dancing,
       praise Him with the strings and flute,

 ⁵ praise Him with the clash of cymbals,
       praise Him with resounding cymbals.

 ⁶ Let everything that has breath praise the LORD.
       Praise the LORD.

I've been getting graduation gifts ready to mail. You know you are getting old when you start getting graduation invitations from the kids your kids used to babysit!  Where does the time go, and when did those rambunctious preschoolers grow into such good looking young men and women... seems they should only be about 13 or so by now....

Spring has sprung, but it is still dry as a bone here in our part of West Texas. We have been teased with moist humid air that smells like rain and cloudy skies all week long, but the rain seems to stay East of us. I have had my windows wide open! We could sure use some rain! Even if if means we have to postpone the cement pour again. I took this photo of a meadowlark on the gate near my office window this morning. As the kids used to say, they are twitter-pated. (Can you tell we watched Bambi alot?)

I got to talk to a precious lady from the church we went to when we lived in Arkansas this morning. Just hearing her voice made my heart smile. She was my spiritual mother so to speak. Someone I could always go to when I felt stuck or needed some godly advice... the kind of spirit-filled godly woman I hope to grow up to be like someday.... I'll never forget what she did shortly after she found out we were moving to West Texas last Spring..... We were at  a birthday party of a mutual friend and she took my face in her hands, looked me straight in the eye, called me by whole name and said, "I am going to miss you!"  

Soon it will be Mother's Day and the last of my painful firsts will be behind me. It won't be my first without my mother, but it will be my first since becoming a mother to not have even one of my own children present. I struggle with envy when I think of my SiL, the closest friend I have here, who has never had to spend even a single holiday without all her kids and/or grandkids around, while mine are far, far away.... But then, I bet she sometimes wishes for a bit of my solitude. 

I'm praying that I can find joy in the moment rather than wishing for things that once were, or cannot be.

This weekend was both disappointing and rewarding. The disappointing part came Saturday when the guy who was supposed to bring us cement for our garage/patio project didn't bother to come, call, or answer when hubby tried to call him. Hubby has been working every spare minute on getting things ready and had about half a dozen guys lined up to help him. Aggravating!  

So instead of pouring cement, his dad helped him change out our old propane cook stove for a smoothtop self cleaning electric one.  (I had one in Arkansas and loved how easy it was to keep clean.) Then he helped his brother work on our air conditioner. (It's nice to have a BiL who teaches heating and air at the local junior college). They got the new AC part installed and things cooling down, but turns out now we need another part to make it work to maximum efficiency.... at least we can get some cool air now.  So it was a productive day... just not in the way we had hoped. I stayed out of their way by going garage sale-ing and then visiting my MiL.

Sunday we went to a different church. Hubby and I both have been feeling spiritually dry and felt a change might give us some perspective. That evening everyone in our small group was going to be out of town, so we went back for a special evening service they were having.... Nothing but praise and worship and ministry time. The anointing was thick and it was a precious time.... I'm still basking in the Holy Spirit afterglow.

In between we lunched at our favorite Italian restaurant with hubby's brother and his family and took a nap.

On the weight loss front, I am down 10 pounds now since mid-February. I wish it would come off faster, but at least it is coming off, which is better than gaining....

Gotta love Craigslist!  Yesterday I picked up a FREE thornless cactus I found there, that is at least 3 times bigger than any of the ones I planted. Hubby helped me set it out last night.  So now I  have it, Agave, Spanish Bayonet, Social Garlic, Stonecrop and Red Sedum in my succulent garden out by the mailbox.

It's gonna be another scortcher and our AC part isn't in yet, so better get my exercising done before it heats up.

Today is one of those rare warm calm Spring days here in West Texas just made for enjoying being outdoors. Think I'll try out my new lounge chair.

It's another windy Spring Saturday here in  West Texas.

Thursday I spent the day in Lubbock looking for an inexpensive folding lounge chair to sunbathe in so I don't lose my Cancun color. I had a perfectly  good one that got left behind when we moved from Arkansas.... Apparently they are only available close to the beach because after checking online and at Family Dollar, Dollar General, WalMart, KMart, Sears, Ace Hardware, Target, World Market, Home Depot, Lowes and all the local thrift stores I came up empty handed. Finally in desperation I paid about twice what I wanted to for a stackable lounge chair at Target. On a happier note I was able to find some different kinds of succulents to finish up my arid garden out by the mailbox.

Friday it was calm, for this part of the world and I had every intention of trying out my new chair, but started cleaning and never found an extra 30 minutes to lay in the sun. Wonder how many calories you burn mopping, dusting, vacuuming and changing sheets...  We spent the evening as usual with hubby's folks. I made the mistake of eating an all fried supper after months of eating healthy. Won't be doing that again... lets just say I'm thankful for indoor plumbing in the middle of the night.

Today I slept in then spent the rest of the morning garage-saling. Found good buys on several things for the soon to be patio:  an old shallow wheelbarrow to use for a planter and a couple of ice cream parlor style chairs with wicker seats that match my existing patio table nicely. Hubby and his Dad worked on the soon-to-be garage slab all morning, but I didn't make them fried pies today. It will be a very long time before I want to smell grease again.

Howdy!  Well, we had our "Easter Spell." Brrrr!  We only got about  1/4 of an inch of rain amid all the clouds and cold winds. Seems they got more moisture further East of us. Our heater is out of commission while the new compressor (or something) is on order so hubby has had to light a fire in the fireplace mornings and evenings.

Hubby and his Dad braved the cold wind to begin the process of converting our dirt floor carport into a garage on Saturday morning. I had planned to work on my vegetable garden spot, but since it was so yucky outside I played in the kitchen instead doing my Easter meal prep and making fried pies. The guys seemed pleased when they came in for lunch, and it did my heart good to see their response. That is one of the things I miss most about Daddy and hate about my kids living so far away.... I have always loved cooking my family's favorite things and then watching them enjoy eating them. I couldn't help but think of our son as I made that coconut cream pie his Popa requested... it's his favorite too.

We had probably the most low key Easter Sunday I can remember in years and years. (Also the first time since we became parents that we didn't have at least one of our kids with us to celebrate. We did get to talk to them both on the phone though....) This little church we are going to doesn't do a big Passion Play or Easter themed drama, so our service didn't have the Resurrection Day specialness we have grown accustomed to at FC ~ even though they did mix things up a bit and try to make it meaningful. We didn't even sing Up From the Grave He Arose.  Maybe my expectations were all wrong, but I felt a bit cheated.  Easter is usually my most favorite church service all year long! Hubby's family gets together for holiday suppers, so so we enjoyed a lazy afternoon at home, just us and the critters, before meeting up with the local family. Due to the cold and wet, the little ones had to hunt eggs indoors, so even that wasn't as fun as I was expecting it to be....

This morning caught up on laundry and attempted to get rid of all the dust that blew in over the weekend.

This afternoon the sun came out so Muffin and I went walking for an hour.  Good thing she only weighs 10 lbs, cuz I had to carry her over half the way home. Poor baby was worn out! The fresh air, sunshine and exercise were just what I needed to refocus. Amazing how that works...

It is hard to believe Easter Sunday is only a few days away! I had the privilege of designing a Power Point show to go with the song "How Could You Say No to This Man?" for our church. Perhaps you've heard it.... Thorns on His head, spear in His side...Yet it was a heartache that made Him cry. He gave His life so you would understand. Is there any way you could say no to this man? How could you look in His tear stained eyes knowing it's you He's thinking of? Could you tell Him you're not ready to give Him your life? Could you say you don't think you need His love? Jesus is here with His arms open wide. You can see Him with your heart, if you'll stop looking with your eyes. He's left it up to you; He's done all that He can. Is there any way you could say no to this man?

We're using a hauntingly sweet acapella version. It was so powerful I wanted to use graphics only and no words at all. My first challenge was to figure out a way to convey Jesus crying. But it turned out to be an even bigger challenge to find images that conveyed rejection ~ not the easiest emotion to capture. But I was able to use PSP to layer present day shots of people of different ages and race over crucifixion art. Toward the end I used some pretty graphic shots from The Passion of The Christ I found online. I think I had the most fun designing this background: (If you want to download it, you should be able to go to the original size by clicking on it.)

Anyway.... Today being Good Friday,  I was thinking about the first Easter that I finally understood the significance of this day... the day of curcifixion.... It was over 20 years ago... I had been studying the Passover celebration in BSF, and realized for the first time how Jesus is our perfect Passover lamb. Sadly, most of us don't realize that it is our very own nasty habits and our own secret sins that put Him on the cross to begin with. I don’t think any of us fully comprehend the depth of the love that held Jesus on the cross when He had thousands of angels at His beck and call. Too many folks stop there. Yes, Jesus died for me. But more importantly, now He lives for me!

According to Hebrews 7, Jesus is our advocate, the mediator between believers and God. He looks after our interests and intercedes for us with God. The Word says Christ makes perpetual intercession before God for us and that His continuous presence in heaven with the Father assures us that our sins have been paid for and forgiven ! (You know Christianity is the only religion that serves a risen savior. All the other religions of the world hail to a prophet that lived once upon a time, but is no more.)

So as we are getting ready to celebrate our Risen Savior this weekend, let's be careful not to lose the meaning in the new clothes, yummy things to eat  and egg decorating. This weekend isn't really about Springtime and bunnies and candy. It's about a love so deep we can't really understand it; a love that overcame death to rescue folks who didn't deserve it.

I am in a season of my life that is completely unfamiliar to me. After decades of caring for others being my first priority and me being my last, I have all the time in the world for myself. And I am having a very difficult time figuring out what to do with it!  

Perhaps it wouldn't seem so strange if I had carved out more "me time" along the way, but with every waking thought being about my children's or parent''s welfare for so long, I find myself feeling guilty and selfish for spending so much time on me. So I waffle back and forth between reveling in so much time to do as I please, and the empty feeling that I could drop of the face of the earth and no one but hubby and a furry little dog would even notice.

I've had more than one lecture on how this season of my life is a gift from God... a chance to regroup and recharge.... and I'm trying to receive it as such... but I keep feeling like I should be doing something more. I am definitely out of my comfort zone.... Being is so much harder than doing.

When I was growing up every year on March 7th Moma would say, "Today my mother would have been __" and proceed to tell me a favorite memory about her. Somehow I never understood how much she must have missed her. Ma Day died before I turned 4, so she was never more than a name to me.... Now I understand. Now I'm the one who misses my Moma. Saturday she would have been 92.

I hope Moma had someone in her life who understood how it feels when joy and sorrow meet and held her when tears spilled over and encouraged her to reminisce.

I didn't sleep much Friday night and then thought about her all day long. Last night I  dreamed that we gave her a big birthday party. She didn't like the cake, but pretended she did. Funny how you can know stuff noone tells you in dreams....

This is a picture of her from her last birthday: