April 9, 2009
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LEARNING TO BE
I am in a season of my life that is completely unfamiliar to me. After decades of caring for others being my first priority and me being my last, I have all the time in the world for myself. And I am having a very difficult time figuring out what to do with it!
Perhaps it wouldn't seem so strange if I had carved out more "me time" along the way, but with every waking thought being about my children's or parent''s welfare for so long, I find myself feeling guilty and selfish for spending so much time on me. So I waffle back and forth between reveling in so much time to do as I please, and the empty feeling that I could drop of the face of the earth and no one but hubby and a furry little dog would even notice.
I've had more than one lecture on how this season of my life is a gift from God... a chance to regroup and recharge.... and I'm trying to receive it as such... but I keep feeling like I should be doing something more. I am definitely out of my comfort zone.... Being is so much harder than doing.
Comments (11)
I can only imagine how hard that is - my personality is very much the same. I've even begun pouring some of that caring into my grandbaby's life, and I really ahve to be careful not to "take over" where she is concerned!!
I will be praying that the Lord will continue leading you to the work - through the rest!
while i am still taking care of people, i do understand this somewhat...
it's how i feel when we lose another youth ministry.
i care about those kids, pour into them, pray on my face for them, and then it's taken away...
i can still care & pray, but without the face to face intereaction, the relationships die. all i can do is put them in the Father's hands...but it's not the same as being USED by the Father to minister.
There's always volunteering.
Babysitting...
Going to a home and making an elderly friend who needs someone to be a friend or something.
I have one word that you need to consider - Quilting. With your creative mind you would enjoy creating tops, or at least following a pattern. If you didn't want to make the tops there are "cheater" prints available. If you are interested in making a top and want to make a day trip, there is a woman who comes here once a month and does quilting class. You bring your materials, sewing maching and you can do something on your own or sometimes she has a special class you can opt to do. Call if you're interested.
I can really identify with this. When my children were growing up and money was so tight I never bought anything for myself. I wore the same clothes to work for years. After they were grown I went through a time of feeling guilty anytime I spent any money on myself. After caring for my children, then my husband I am now at a loss too. I have all of this time to myself and can't remember one thing that I used to wish I could do if only I had more time.
I know all of these suggestions given are good ones... but now that you have recognized you have this time to "be"...i would say more time in the Word.....time for a Beth Moore bible study....time to read Joyce Meyer's book Battlefield of the Mind with the workbook or time to read what ever you wanted that will help you understand you in light of Christ. I would love to have more study time instead of having to work, grade papers, write grad school papers, meetings for work, what ever. So dear one.....do not start anything new but really consider the Word and prayer.
@ehrinn_l @pettybunch - @brokenbread - @New_Orleans_lady - @sattsue - @dakabn - I didn't mean to give the impression that I have nothing to do. I have been digging deeper in to the Word, design PowerPoint shows for church services, attending ladies Bible Study, listening to teaching tapes and praise music while I walk on the treadmill. I garden, sew, clean, cook, spend time with nieces and nephews.... my days are not empty; its just that it feels REALLY strange not to be responsible for or needed by anyone but my husband and pets. BTW, my brother who was just here and his wife own a quilt shop and we got me some patterns while they were here. Once my garden is in the ground I plan to attempt writing that book I've talked about for years.
Blessed Good Friday....and you are needed by more than you know...
When my mother went "Home" in 2006, I went through much of what you're experiencing right now. I didn't know what, when, why, where, or how to take care of me . . . I had been focused on my mother for so long. Then I remembered a saying my mother used to share with me: "When in doubt, don't." So, with that in mind, I leave you with Psalm 46:10, "Be still, and know that I am God..." Sometimes doing nothing is the best thing in the world, for it is in those quiet, do nothing times of our lives we hear the sweet whisper of the Holy Spirit. Praying God directs your paths and fills you with contentment in this new season of your life.
@Trystiana - You captured exactly what I have been dealing with. It is in the being quiet and listening that this talker/fixer is uncomfortable. Yet I know in my knower this is exactly what I am supposed to be doing. I tend to want to jump up and get busy doing. Does that make me a Martha?
amen amen amen....i was feeling this today...home alone...house all quiet...no homework....I didnt know what to do with myself . So....I walked the dog. It felt so good. I pray for you, and you pray for me. we will get through this.
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