Maybe by the end of next week I'll have some answers as to why I am so droopy and foggy headed all the time.

I really like my doctor and can see why everyone around here just loves him. He took his time and asked lots of questions and then prayed with me. Loved that! He ordered a bunch of blood work and is suspicious that I have a hormone imbalance and/or and underactive thyroid which he can help with medication. In the meantime he told me to rest as often as I feel tired. It has been so long since I have felt like a morning person, just seeing him makes me feel hopeful for a better day.

I spent the rest of the day on the couch catnapping and watching the inauguration festivities on television. All in all a pretty low key Tuesday. 

The latest news in my life is I have a new granddog. Em got an early birthday gift from her feller ~ a Yorkie. From what I  hear, he is as smitten with her as she is. Her name is Chloe.

Since none of you have been able to enjoy your weekend at all due to the suspense created by all the warm possibilities of where I might be meeting RayRay in March .... today I will end your agony.  One of you already guessed it!  Several of you were very close. I'm still pinching myself!  Not only am I going to get to see my sister of the heart twice in the same year, but at a place I'd probably never go otherwise.

Imagine a white sandy beach beside a crystal clear indigo sea ... A place where even in mid-March the lows are in the seventies and the highs are in the eighties. A destination commonly billed by the travel agents as paradise, where one can just as easily go prowling or just stay put and be pampered. This is what RayRay has up her sleeve. She tells me it is an all-inclusive resort she and her husband discovered recently on their travels.... A place where we'll be treated like princesses for the week.

If you have been reading my blog for very long, you know that the last place RayRay took me was to Niagara Falls. (It was the summer after my Daddy died, my hysterectomy, and Moma's broken hip. I was numb from the stress and needed a break, so I went to spend ten days with her.) She had heard me talk about that being one the places I wanted to see in my lifetime. So when I came to see her we took a road trip North and stayed on the Canada side in a room overlooking Horseshoe Falls. We were one of probably only a few folks there who weren't honeymooning, but we had a ball!

I guess we are both just romantics at heart, because once again she has instigated a trip to another honeymoon hotspot. (Figured out where yet?) We have been laughing about how we'd have to be sure and talk up our husbands in public so folks don't get the wrong idea! 

Cancun, Mexico here we come!

Nothing like a friend to pull you out of the doldrums. Was chatting with RayRay Thursday morning and she told me I needed something to look forward to to help me get my mind off everything I see that's wrong and onto something good. Long story short we are meeting for a week in mid March. It is still frigid up there and the dirt is usually blowing here then, so it's neither here nor there.... Any guesses where we're going? (Family that has already heard me scream the details in their ear, please hold your silence.)

EDIT: For those of you who have been guessing a cruise... It is not; we'll fly in and fly out. I'll give you another hint. It is a place snowbirds like to go that I have never been. And yes, I'll need a passport. I'm going to apply for one today.

I am SOOOOOOO excited!!!!!  The idea of visiting a place I've never been is fun, but mostly I'm looking forward to a whole week with my twinkie. It's a shame we live so stinkin far apart!

Thank you all for you prayers and kind comments. Tuesday was the best day I've had since Christmas.

RayRay called me first thing. Nothing like a good visit with a bosom pal to lift your spirits. It was great to catch up and the Yankee knows how to tickle my funny bone. She suggested I make "one of those chocolate cakes like you made while I was there."

My daughter called while I was finishing up the cake and gave me a pep talk, then it was lunch time.

I know my new DiL would argue the point, but I am married to the sweetest man to ever walk the face of this earth! And he's been so very, very supportive during this river of tears thing. (For those of you who have studied love languages I am a words of affirmation gal, and my husband is an acts of service kind of guy). During lunch he hugged me and I told him to tell me something sweet. Poor guy thought and thought and finally whispered near my ear something like, "Chocolate cake is sweet." I could tell by the twinkle in his eye he was baiting me so I kept asking and he kept trying until he finally made me up a "Roses are red, violets are blue...." poem. By then we were both laughing so I finally let him off the hook.

After lunch I snuggled with Violet for a bit and then my new shopping buddy called and we had a nice long chat which ended in more laughter. She indulged me while I reminisced about some good times with Moma. Got a newsy note from my new DiL and my son called last night.

So all in all I would say it was a good day. I never got to the dust bunnies or cobwebs but I did get some laundry done and managed to keep my mind off of everything that feels wrong with my life for the better part of the day. Just the thought of those things is overwhelming and still open the tears ducts, so at least for now I'm trying not to even let my mind go there. We won't talk about how much of that yummy chocolate cake I ate, but as you all know, chocolate makes everything better!

Lately the devotions in my grief book are all about getting stuck. Maybe the things I'm feeling are not so strange after all. There is a wonderful lady at our church in Arkansas that I always went to whenever I felt stuck. She was a retired school counselor and had been trained in theophostic ministry. Lately I've been wishing she didn't live so far away because I know a session or two with her would sure help me process all this loss I'm feeling now. (I have often told her I think process feels like a four letter word!) Instead I have a counseling appointment with my new pastor this afternoon. I figure it can't hurt, and it just might help!

From my Griefshare devotional book: Joni Eareckson Tada says, "Your deepest need when you are hurting is to have God, like a Daddy, reach down and pick you up and hold you and reassure you that everything is going to be okay. He lets you know that your life is not in nightmarish chaos, your world is not splitting apart at the seams. Somehow and somewhere there is order and stability to it all. And that's why God never gives advice; He gives Himself."

I had such a good weekend and yesterday morning was great!  Cooked hubby breakfast, did a bit of housework, got all cleaned up, ran errands and then met hubby for lunch. Shortly after lunch I attacked one of those relational cobwebs. An easy fix was not to be had. What I hoped would make things all better just brought me face to face with more ugly truth. Progress was made, but not the end result I was hoping for; it just opened up the river of tears again and the numbness returned.  Will I ever run out? Why does this have to be such hard work! Folks say tears are healing. Maybe so, but right now they are just wearing me out! I feel like if I have to deal with one more disappointment I will come apart at the seams. Is it depression or grief? I don't know.

Alot of you must be praying for me because surprisingly enough, this morning I woke up ready to face the day and begin again. So today I'm lowering expectations to ground level and taking baby steps. My plan is to confine my day to dealing with actual physical dust bunnies and cobwebs in my house. Maybe if I master them, life's disappointments won't seem so overwhelming. Sounds a bit depressing written down here in black and white, but at least it's an improvement ~ however small.

I am determined to find something to smile about! Maybe I'll make a Texas Chocolate Sheet Cake.

December was a long hard month. There I admitted it! We have all heard and read that the holidays are the times when depression runs rampant. I never gave it much thought before now. But after limping through them in what I now realize was a numbed fog I am finally beginning to wake up and smell the coffee. This is the first morning in weeks that I didn't get hubby out the door and then go back to bed not caring what the day might hold. I feel a bit like Rip Van Winkle must have felt. Everywhere I look there are many cobwebs to clean, literally in my home, but also in my relationships, habits and thought processes.

So today I will begin again. I will be proactive. This is a new year, a new month, and a new week....the perfect time to start over. Dust bunnies better watch out!

Today started off rocky but turned into one of the most enjoyable days I've had in West Texas since RayRay was here.  I've lived here for almost seven months now and had yet to find a shopping buddy. I didn't realize how much I missed that! Last week a gal called and invited me to lunch but I was on the way home from the grocery store with a load of things destined for the freezer. So I asked for a rain check. This morning I called and asked her if she was free, and we decided to make an afternoon of it and go to Lubbock. Turns out she loves thrift stores and prowling through used books as much as I do.

She has lived here all her life, so she knew about places I hadn't heard of. We began by lunching at this neat little health food store that had a deli. They had all kind of salads, wraps and sandwiches. The kind of things husbands wrinkle their noses at but us girls love.  

From there we went to two different used book stores. I just  love the smell of books! I found titles I just couldn't leave behind in both places for a fraction of the list price. I think I bought 8 books in all.

Then we made a couple of thrift stores. Seems she loves to dig through junk for a bargain as much as I do. I found some dinner plates to match my Moma's dishes (that have been put aside for Em) and my shopping companion bought more books.

From there we had to take care of some business our husbands sent us on so we made a trip to the lumber yard and then Target, before resuming our bargain hunt.

Out next big find was at World Market where all the Christmas goodies were marked down to 90% off. We loaded up on gift bags, tissue paper, napkins and chocolate!

About that time hubby called to say he was going to be working late so we ended our girl's day out with a trip to Olive Garden. Of course we shared a luscious chocolate dessert. 

Hubby is still at work so I am about to climb into my jammies and dig into one of the books I found.

After spending days editing wedding photos they are finally all cropped, printed and in a white photo album. I am having a very hard time getting motivated to do anything besides just sit and look at them. Some make me laugh; others make me cry. This is one of my favorites: my son and his barefoot bride. I can't help but wonder what they were talking about....

We started the first weekend of the New Year off right by treating ourselves to some eyeball to eyeball time. Friday night we had our usual supper date with hubby's parents. Then Saturday, instead of tackling the never ending list of chores hanging over our heads, hubby and I stayed home and just lazed around all day watching movies and snuggling. Of course Muffin and Violet piled up with us on the couch.  Church was extra good Sunday morning, then we drove to Lubbock for Chinese and to pick up my BiL's birthday present. I spent the rest of the day messing with PSP cleaning up the snapshots from my son's wedding.  

Tonight we'll gather hubby's family for the first birthday supper of the year. For a month each year hubby's younger brother and I are the same age.

BTW, If you missed my son's wedding photos see my New Year's Eve post.